Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

Whomsoever said, "Let Sleeping Dogs Lie" never slept with dogs. The first thing you discover when you bring a dog onto your bed is the striking difference in weight between a wide-awake dog and a dog at rest.

RULE NUMBER ONE: The deeper the sleep, the heavier the dog.

Most people who sleep with dogs develop spinal deformities rather than rent the heavy equipment necessary to move their snoring canines to a more appropriate spot on the bed. Cunning canines steal precious space in tiny increments until they have achieved the center position on the bed ---- with all covers tucked carefully under them for safekeeping. The stretch and roll method is very effective in gaining territory. Less subtle tactics are sometimes preferred. A jealous dog can worm his way between a sleeping couple and, with the proper spring action from all four legs, shove a sleeping human to the floor.

RULE NUMBER TWO: Dogs possess superdog strength while on a bed.

As you cling to the edge of the bed, wishing you had covers, your sweet pup begins to snore at a volume you would not have thought possible. Once that happens, your bed becomes a battlefield and playground of canine fantasy. It starts out with a bit of sleep-running, lots of eye movement and then suddenly, a shrieking howl blasted though the night like a banshee's wail. The horror of this wake-up call haunts you for years. It's particularly devastating when your pup insists on sleeping curled around your head like a Daniel Boone coonskin cap.

RULE NUMBER THREE: The deeper the sleep, the louder the dog.

The night creeps on and you fall asleep in the 3" of bed not yet claimed by the dog. The dog dreams quiet slightly and the heap of dog flesh sleeps - breathing heavily and passing wind. Then, too soon, it's dawn and the heap stirs. Each dog has a distinctive and unpleasant method of waking the pack. One may position itself centimeters from a face and stare until you awake. The clever dog obtains excellent results by simply sneezing on your face, or they could romp all over your sleeping bodies or the ever loving insertion of a tongue in an unsuspecting ear.

RULE NUMBER FOUR: When the dog wakes, you wake.

So, why do we put up with this? There's no sane reason. Perhaps it's just that we're a pack, and a pack heaps together at night - safe, contented, heavy, and loud.

Author Unknown